I identified a number of things that blocked my wellness. At first they looked like a solution to a problem. But later it became obvious that they are just a mousetrap to fall into and feel miserable about myself.
I notice that at the bottom of all these stupid, foolish, wrong things lies failing to treat myself as a full value person. I may not listen to what other people think or gossip about me. But I should always, always, always respect my own opinion about myself.
Whenever I fail to keep my promise, my word, with the same I choose to live together with a cheater if not even traitor. Because then the cheater or traitor is myself, and I can’t run away from my own self.
Whenever I choose not to forgive, I choose also to always be in the same room with an unforgiving idiot!
When I lie, I choose to walk everywhere together with a liar. When I steal, I dedicate my future to living together with a thief.
These things seem extremely obvious. But they were not obvious for me. And I also notice that they are far not obvious to the vast majority of people that I meet in my daily life.
If you do these things or any other sin to yourself, then be prepared for a life without joy, happiness, love. Your health will deteriorate gradually, and no pill, no diet, no workout, nothing will help you. Nothing.
All people, including you and me, we know what we need for self-respect. We need to be strong, kind, cheerful, positive, encouraging. We need to lift up and encourage others. We need to be generous. We need to give the World what we want to be given to us.
And that – not because those others need it so badly, or the World needs something. No, not at all. We need to be like this and do like this because we value, above all, our own opinion about ourselves.
If we do, in most cases that will result in much happier life, better health, tighter sleep.
I am still in the process of learning. But the very moment when I decided not to harm myself with bullshit ideas or actions, I felt right there that my way to recovery has begun.
And I am learning with zest. I am teaching myself to have respect to myself. I am teaching myself not to burden myself with unforgiving, lie, other wrongs.
When I stop for a while and think, I see that most of the wrong things that I did in the past are simply unavailable for doing again. I am a different person now than I was ten years back. Now I am a happy man, and my health is better, and I am at peace with myself.
On the other hand, I am much more motivated. I find so many fun things to do in this life! I learn to sing, I train myself to learn poems by heart, I read books, I go for a run, and I do a lot more other things that would never occur to me ten years back.
I am no longer that wretched depressed miserable sickly old man that I was ten years back! Now I am full of energy, and I truly enjoy each and every day that I live. I feel finally that I live my life that has been given to me only once! Oh, I have wasted so many years simply because I lived by absolute nonsense ideas! There is nothing I can do about it. What I can do now is drop them and live a full value, mindful, connected, highly enjoyable life with so many exciting things every day!